Messy Christianity


I enjoy reading and listening to people who don't think like me. I am not a glutton for debates, as these seem to be a terrible waste of time. You know what I'm talking about. Conversations(debates) where you talk loudly and arrogantly about why you're right and smart and the other person is wrong and...well, stupid.

I'm talking about merely listening...what a concept! One the American Church and the American Christian do little of. Not only do we not listen to God, a simply reading and obeying of His word, we don't listen to people in general. We really struggle with allowing other people to speak into our lives. It's as if we really believe that the only people that need to stop and listen are weak, anemic people who don't have any idea what they are doing or where they are headed. Well, this is my confession and my blog is my confessional booth... I don't have a clue. So, you wise sages of all knowledge high and far, fire away. Go to work telling me what following God looks like, what I should like, and what the American church should like. Share and elaborate with me your endless rhetoric and precise commentary.

I remember in high school, I had a part time job at an 'eletronic superstore'. My job was to sell car stereos and my salary was completely based on my ability to sell, sell, sell. The problem was that I knew absolutely nothing about car stereos. Not only that, I could care less about what subs were, why you needed to buy the cleanest amp available, and the importance of circuitry design. I was more interested in friends, money, and fun. (I'm not sure in what order.) But one day, via my department manager, who seemed completely interested in the above mentioned stereo jargon, I had an epiphany. "You don't have to care about car stereos, and you don't even have to know anything about them." he said to me one day. "You just have to fake it. You just have to convince them that you know everything about stereos and convince people that if they take your advice, they will be completely satisfied." I was hooked. That day I traded in my training manuals and my desire for new informaton about fresh, cutting-edge technology, for mass manupulation. And it worked.

So today, a little older, not too much wiser, I stand at the same intersection. I see these ministers on TV who claim to know it all, and they'll even share it with you if you buy their new book, or give that generous monthly pledge. And I have friends who at the smallest, slightest acknowledgement that I'm honestly searching for answers, will jump on me with a three-point teaching about wisdom and faith. It all seems so tempting...but then I am reminded of my goofy department manager with his out of date suit and tie. "Just fake it, Joe", he would say to me with a goofy grin. And every time I am around people with their pyramid scheme, marketing strategies that explain how to know God's will, I'm at first skeptical, then somewhat curious, but finally, a new epiphany arrives. They're all as clueless as I am. But maybe even more so, because they are pretending to actually know truth.

You see, my Christian journey is messy. I seem to be moving in the dark much of the time. My growth and revelation may be slow, and it's definetly laborous, but it's legit. Eric Stark, music director at Word of Life Church in St. Jo, Mo, says, "In the fog of my mind, my soul speaks clearly. And with a clear head, the soul stays silent." That really resonates with. Maybe we are designed to move into the unknown, even mystically drawn there. It's a search and a journey that will only end when our breath does. Not just because some schmo told us to fake it, but because the journey is the point.

So, I enjoy listening to what people think, especially if it's not what I think. I enjoy being around people who have become addicted to the fog. We'll allow those with complete revelations of all knowledge of God and man your due time. We'll nod our heads, and appear to believe your sales pitch. But, to those desperate for truth, hungry for justice, and without a clue on how to bring about either one, I bless you. May our journeys carry on, and our questions always haunt us...it's messy Christianity.

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Joe Gabbard

I'm a pastor and strategy leader at a great church in Kansas City, MO.  Ronnin and I have been married for over 10 years and we have two beautiful, blond headed boys.  I'm interested in loving my family and being part of a community that impacts the spiritual landscape of our region.

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