Hard work in the office

Mighty Mouse, very cool... Huge Spider, not so cool.

But it was the first time that I've used one of my big preacher books... to slay the deadly, venomous spider!!!

Where did the party go?

So little man, isn't so little anymore, he just graduated from preschool. No typo there, the pic proves that 5 year olds do get a full graduation with cap and gown and everything that goes with it.  Thinking now that I should have sent out cards so people would have felt obligated to buy me, I mean him, some gifts.

Oh well, it got me thinking.  When you're young, the people close to you celebrate everything you do.  Birthdays are a big deal, walking, talking, even pooping becomes an act to throw a party over.  People will walk up to us while we're shopping, eating, and doing our thing and say, "Oh, your kids are so cute, they're so well behaved!"  Apparently, sitting in a stroller(by the way, the reason they're so good is that the boys are strapped in) and looking cute is a reason for people to stop by and compliment the boys.  So yeah, I guess preschool graduation is a reason to celebrate.  And I'm cool with my son kicking the ball in the wrong goal, I'm just happy he kicked the ball.

But as you get older reality sets in.  The voices that celebrated each achievement in our lives start to become quiet as new voices that criticize and analyze take over.  Not too many people stop me in the mall to tell me how good looking and well-behaved I am anymore.

So if it's been a while since someone has said, "Good-job sport" and gave you a pat on the head, remember that maybe you're just growing up.  And a part of growing up is to start becoming the one doing the affirming.

So I'm no longer a cynic about preschool graduation or soccer where you don't keep score, let the celebration begin.  There's something right about one generation celebrating the exploits of the next, even when it's the small stuff.

Bubblegum Haze

My oldest son Jace is 5, and he's taught me more about love and life than I ever thought I could hold in a brain most often filled with questions about Lost (there's your link).  Justus is my 8 month year old, so we're still figuring out why we've invaded each other's world, but we're having a good time.  The boys keep me overwhelmed with feelings of fear, joy, happiness, and sleep deprivation.

Not long ago Jace, after our doctor, specialists, and too many tests, was scheduled for surgery to repair a birth defect.  Everything was going well the morning of the surgery.  Ronnin and I let him take as many toys, clothes, and DVD's that he wanted, and our goal was to make the day as least traumatic as possible for our son, and me.  He wasn't too excited about the hospital gown, but the dinosaur bed in his examination room kept him calm.  Things were going smooth, almost too smooth, and as the nurse asked what flavored anesthesia he wanted, I was too busy figuring out all the reasons that seemed wrong to notice that my son wasn't doing well anymore.  He was getting more and more nervous and he could tell that this trip was not going to have a happy ending, well at least not that day.  

The nurses finished their preliminary tests, and it was now time for Jace to part ways with his dinosaur bed and move to surgery.  The nurses let us walk with him down the hall, and when we came to the end, Ronnin and I stood at the waiting room door as the nurses prepared to move him to his meeting with bubblegum haze.  We kissed Jace, held him tight, told him we loved him, and turned to walk away.  At that moment, my heart was crushed in a way I hope never happens again.  He started crying and screaming my name, he ran up to me, and wrapped his arms around me as tight as he could.  He was crying out the same phrase over and over again, "Don't make me do it, daddy.  please don't make me do it!"  I knew he had to go through it, and the nurses peeled him off of me as my wife peeled me off the floor.  

In the waiting room I got a little ticked.  No, not at my five year clinging to me for survival, but at the stupid idea of a God who's more like a genie-in-a-bottle.  Jace's fear, my pain, and the whole process made me hate the Jesus that wig-wearing, toupee toting, 'let me hear you say amen' shouting, three-point thumping, homosexual-hating, and right-wing fundraising, empty headed, zero hearted preachers had represented him as. (Maybe they hit the bubblegum haze one too many times.) 

In other words, I was questioning my faith.  But somehow, my son's tears started healing me from bad church, bad preaching, and bad Christianity.  These words made sense for the first time..."Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know."

Because the truth is life's not simple, and pain can be pretty complex.  So I need a truth that's simple and a God that can teach me the complex, even if it's just in part.   Zero hearted, zero headed Christianity isn't Christianity, it's the blind leading the blind.  We don't need men, method, or material, we need relationship with someone who cares enough to put his name, ego, and deity on the line, offering us a way to transcend fear, pain, and hurt.

Today Jace is okay, and so am I.  But tomorrow could change everything.  It's why I'm struggling at best, but attempting more everyday, to call to God and let Him reveal His mysteries, His key to life a better way.

So I bless you to reject poor representation, your own pain, self(and church)condemnation, and move in to the great and unsearchable gift He has for you.

Sorry Al, we can't solve it

I'm flipping through one of my magazines the other day, anxious to get to my favorite section, yes the cartoons, when I ran across an ad that grabbed my attention. (That's kind of the point in advertising.)  It was a simply black and white ad with a picture of two older men sitting on a couch.  Reverend Al Sharpton and Reverend Pat Robertson were sitting there, smiling, and gazing at each other like a young couple on their honeymoon.  (By the way, let me save you some time from researching their church affiliation.  Neither one of these guys is actually a "Reverend" of any church, but function more as political puppets for the left and right.)

Al Gore has started a new organization called wecansolveit.org (no I'm not providing the link) and he has teamed up with Rev Al and Rev Pat.  Two superhero religious leaders of our day with polar opposite beliefs, working together to end global warming.  It's kind of like Superman and Spiderman joining forces, Dirty Harry and James Bond, RoboCop and the Terminator, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie (wait, that already happened), Kevin Federline and Kato Kaelin, so enemies beware!!!

I love that the dominant political, I mean religious forces of our day are joining the dominant political, I mean documentary-making, eco-cover boy Al Gore.  And you have to love the Bob-the-Builder, "Can we fix it, yes we can!" attitude of these grown men.  I just have one problem... we can't solve it.  For many reasons, but primarily because we are the ones who started the problem in the first place.

I'm enjoying the 21st century, even more so now that I have a MAC.  We are becoming alive and responsive to the realities of poverty, pollution, war, and disease.  We are seeing an explosion of NGO's and non-profits making huge efforts and great results in local, national, and global markets.  Individuals are waking up to the reality that self-consumption can not come at the price of others.  Even churches and large companies are making sacrifices in building structures, energy use, and disposal practices.  It's like the crying Indian, make America beautiful campaign from the 70's, has finally found some ears.  You know, a lot of this social, political consciousness reminds me of the 70's, and that's what has me a little worried.  Not so much the consciousness, that's a good thing, but what comes after self-awareness... remember the 80's?

Some of you don't, you weren't born yet, and me, I was only 2.  The 80's were all about pride, self-indulgement, a bubble economy, greed, and bad clothes.  Seems odd, how can we go from caring about others and our environment right into pride and greed?  Because self-awareness only works when you become aware that yourself can't solve it.  When you look at the problems in our society and mankind, and bypass the problems of self, things get fuzzy and you start thinking that all we need is Oprah and her book club, Al Gore and his gang, Hollywood and its stars, and 'poof'.... we've landed safely on modern-day Utopia.

Truth is it feels more like quicksand, and I'm looking for a way out.  We need someone who doesn't think like us, who doesn't do things the way we do it.  Someone who can honestly say, "My ways are not your ways, and my thoughts are not your thoughts."  Someone who does more than care about humanity, the environment, and social justice, they lay their life down for it.

So before you join the 'we can solve it campaign', ask yourself if that really makes sense.  Can we really save us?  I think it's time we look outside of humanity, reach out to divinity, and ask him to solve the messes we've created.

Sorry Al and the Dynamic Duo, we can't solve it.

Who would have thought that the Kingdom of God coming by force really has nothing to do with political protest, bumper stickers, and prayer lines, but instead radical acts of love in our communities... Check out my bro's blog to hear what their church did over the weekend to really "be the church" to a family in need.  

I live for this stuff!!!